Well, AF showed up just now. That means that Cycle #6 for me ended up at 49 days all in. I’m charting but not temping. I’m supposed to phone in today to schedule my HSG, do a bunch of bloodwork, and keep on keeping on, but I’m not going to.
We have our huge shop retreat next weekend, with 96 attendees and instructors. I have a lot on my plate right now. I can’t imagine taking any of my non-existent time to do all those tests, nor to take off any more time from work.
It’ll be interesting, during this break, to see if I do have any regularity in my cycles. Do I cycle a couple of times in a row? And then have a month or two off? Or is it less frequent? You’d think that because I’ve always been irregular, I would know these things. Guess I never really paid attention.
I had a very unsatisfying meeting with my primary RE at the clinic. I showed her my cycle information, expressed my very strong concerns that the Clomid hasn’t really done anything. She treated me like a child. Made me cry. Made me incredibly angry, not that that’s a hard thing to accomplish these days.
I have two options for whenever we’re going to try this next.
1. (Her fav) Take 100mg of Clomid for days 2 - 11 of the next cycle.
2. Begin a super-ovulation/IUI cycle that will probably either be cancelled due to too many follicles, or converted to an IVF cycle.
In the meantime, since it’s been over a year since I did all my labs and exams, I need to go for an ultrasound, another HSG, and four rounds of blood work. I’m also supposed to start taking prometrium to induce a cycle since it’s already day 41.
Great.
I hate my clinic.
We had a nice dinner with my sister in law last night. She and her hub did IVF, almost 4 years ago and have a lovely baby girl. She’s going back for her next embryo transfer in early November. I’m happy for her, of course, and really hopeful that it’ll work the first time again. But still. I thought we’d be pregnant by now.
Posted by amy on October 16th, 2008
Well, we’re back on hold. Again. I guess it’s just a big sign that life needs to stabilize a little more before either of us is ready; emotionally and physically. And, it’s looking more and more like we’ll get back to me later, and focus on getting Sandra knocked up in 2009.
I’m going to keep blogging. It’s good to have a place to talk about this, especially since I’m keeping it off of the main blog.
Babies will happen. When it’s right.
And no, I haven’t started my period yet. Day 30-something.
Thanks for all the nice words, ladies. I love you guys. It’s nice to have a place to be unabashedly honest and negative when I feel like it. If you know me in person, you know that I try to be positive more often than not. I try to find the good in any situation, even if it takes me awhile to get there. But sometimes that’s too hard.
This morning, my temperature was up by .5 degrees from yesterday. It’s still well under my usual coverline, but I’ll be curious to see if it continues to rise, if I did indeed ovulate quite late. It’s Day 28 today. Will this be the longest cycle ever? Or did I ovulate today? I don’t necessarily feel all the same symptoms as the last month. And this is gross and probably TMI, but I am a little wetter down there than usual. EWCM? Maybe?
It’s kind of interesting monitoring my signs and temp and stuff even though this cycle is out for us. I gave up on the OPKs… even the cheapies… several days back. So, now I just wait and see how this cycle worked out. Without any hope of it resulting in a wee one.
I’m curious for our appointment with the RE on the 20th. It sounds like I’m going on my own, as Sandra is the only one around to man the shop that day. That’ll be interesting.
I’m not-rereading my blog post from Saturday night. Nor should you. And don’t look for it. It’s long gone. I need to remember to not blog while drunk. It’s never good.
Right now, I should be at SOAR, the Spin Off Autumn Retreat, this year in the Poconos. Last year’s SOAR was my first, and was one of the highlights of the year without a doubt. This year, I’d applied to go, and didn’t get in. They had more applications than spots, and I was 37th on the waitlist, proving without a doubt that who you are in the knitting world means nothing, just like I’d thought.
Two things are making me sad about this. First, not going. Feeling like I’m missing out. Second, I remember blogging somewhere when I applied, saying that with any luck, I’d probably be several months pregnant by the time SOAR came around. And the real optimist in me thought it might be too late for me to travel.
I haven’t yet hit that point where we’d be past our first-cycle due date. I’m not looking forward to that. I know six months is almost nothing, really. I know it’s eary, it’s just the beginning. But I’m starting to believe there’s a good chance it’ll never happen for me.
Kourtney commented a few entries below about the possibilities when two women are involved. Yes, Sandra could try to carry. And that’s something she really wants. But that wouldn’t take away from my grief at not being able to do this, not being able to see a little one who looks like me. I’m adopted, did you know that? I don’t know anyone in the world that looks like me for biological reasons. I want this. I need this. I’m only 30. It’s not too late, is it?
After leaving the message on my clinic’s voice mail yesterday, the nurse phoned back this morning. I explained my concerns and asked my questions, and she said she’d have to review my chart with my doctor. Fine. So she just phoned back and said that I shouldn’t have my period yet, so I shouldn’t worry about that. (????) And that the dr would like me to come in to discuss my treatment. Great! Next available appointment? October 20.
OCTOBER 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh*
What if I start a new cycle before then? What if I don’t, and then have to wait ANOTHER 10 days after that appointment to induce a cycle? Why can they never remember or believe me when I say that I’m highly irregular? And what will I say the next time they advise me to “make love” to my husband?
Argh.
Well gang, it looks like Clomid is the only option through this clinic aside from going the injectable/superovulation route, at which cost, to be quite honest, I’d probably prefer to cough up the extra $4k for an IVF cycle. Fun. One more month? One more try to see if I kick out some eggs? And then we’ll see?
I’m still temping religiously this cycle, despite leaving my thermometer at home over the weekend. Oops. My temp is still way low, so there’s no chance I missed ovulation. I’m pretty curious to see if I’m just having an abnormally long cycle. For that reason, and also because I believe I’m more inclined to ovulate on a “naturally” started cycle, I’m not going to be taking prometrium to induce a period this time around. I want to chart and see what happens. Not that my clinic will use any of that info. But still.
I’m in a highly irritable state right now. Having an office that opens onto the very busy break room is a bad thing in my world. It’s loud out there. People are laughing. I can’t hear my music very well.
I just want this to work. I’m terrified it never will, that we’ll just be throwing money down the toilet, putting my body and head through all this shit, all for nothing. If I don’t ovulate, how can anything work?
“Hope” says that I did ovulate twice so far. In 7 months. But that’s still almost 20% of the time. “Pessimism” says that a 13% chance of success 20% of the time is pretty small little odds.
We’ll see what happens this time. Wait. And see. And keep trying to lose a little weight, which certainly can’t hurt.
And yes, if you couldn’t tell, I’m completely pissed off and sad all at once.
