It’s Day 20 of my cycle. I don’t know if I O’d. I didn’t test. I didn’t chart. Because I kind of don’t want to know. I’m on the fence in terms of this waiting business. On one hand, I can’t imagine TTC this month, or even next, while still getting things together in terms of my new and very cool job as well as working towards managing the shop better with Sandra.
A huge part of me is 150% ok with the idea of waiting several months, or even until the Spring. I’d like to have our finances in better shape, and I’d like some time to put aside money for what’s bound to be ever-increasing costs TTC through the clinic.
And on the other hand, knowing we have one month left of the Big F*ckin’ Man’s stuff over at the clinic makes me want to give it another shot soon, even though I feel like we aren’t really ready or in a good place to do so.
So we wait. For how long? I don’t know. If it’s like everything else in our lives, Sandra and I will probably just decide one day that it’s time to try again. And then we’ll try.
Today though, if you ask me, I’m far from ready. I feel like everything is far too unstable at this moment. And I know that’ll change in a couple of months. And having less stress will make having a little one all that much easier.
But I want it now. I really do. Now.
Alright, now that I’ve gotten the hang of things around here, and figured out benefits, payroll, and the right process for doctor’s appointments, I just want to get on with things already. Next month? Maybe?
Right now I’m at Day 13 of Cycle #4, our first official “break” cycle. The sad thing? I haven’t tested, but based on how I’ve been feeling and some physical symptoms, I think I may have ovulated. Ah well. C’est la vie.
But, all I feel like doing is sitting here and writing. I’ve written to nearly every email buddy I have. I’ve posted not one, but two, long and over-revealing blog posts to my indigirl.com blog. I could start a piece of fiction, but I know it’ll just get left unfinished when this urge leaves me in a day or two.
I took the last of the Prometrium last night, which means I’ll bleed any day now. Day 1 for the cycle that doesn’t exist. Which means I need to call the clinic and tell them I’ll be doing nothing for the next couple of months.
Of course, I could have called them last week. What does it say that I’ve been putting it off?
There’ve been so many pregnancy announcements in the blogverse these past couple of months. As it stands, just over 25% of my blogroll has gotten knocked up the past four months. Way to go, ladies! Seeing those duedates of Nov/Dec 08 has me wondering if I’ll be seeing little babies before I ovulate again. Hah.
I’m not really as bitter as I sound. While I’m glad to have spent virtually no money ttc these past few months, I’m a little sad that all those pills and temps and appointments have only led to one actual attempt. And how much more will we do before my body feels like spitting out an egg or two?
Right now, my plan is to take this next cycle off, and maybe start again with the following one. At that point, I’ll be on the new job for about 2 months before I’d need to go for monitoring appointments, which should be doable. I should also find out on the first day of work what the deal is with the mat leave top-up. Do I need to be with the company for a certain amount of time first? If so, it may push things out by a few more months.
It’s not a big deal. I’m only 30. I have lots of follicles. We just have to figure out how to get one of them to grow up a little.
