And Baby Makes 8… ummm…. 9

I know I blogged about this on my main blog, but I thought I’d brag a little about it here too. During the first day of the last 2ww, I decided to cast on and knit a sweater to keep myself sane. So, I picked out this pattern and some summery yarn and knit up the cardigan you see above. It didn’t take the entire 2ww… more like 11 days of it. And I don’t know if it helped me stay a little more in control of my hopes or not. But, it was a fun exercise and one I’m planning on repeating this month.

Speaking of this cycle, I’m going to be spending the majority of the next 2ww at my parents’ house near Chicago. My dad is having his knee replaced on the 13th, so I’m going home the week before and staying for about a week after. He had his hip done last summer and it was really good being able to be there in the hospital and the care center instead of being a thousand miles away.

While we don’t yet know which day in the next week will be THE day for the IUI, I’m guessing it’ll be somewhere around Saturday or Sunday if the last cycle can help us predict at all. Still, I started using the OPKs on Monday just in case.

I don’t know what’s different this month, but I don’t notice the Clomid side-effects nearly as much. The hot flashes are still just as bad, but I don’t feel that irrational RAGE bubbling up inside of me. And for this, I’m incredibly thankful. The only real difference is that last month we had a lot of business stress right around that time, and most of it’s calmed down by now. I’m guessing my zen attitude is probably helping keep my emotions in check. I’ve also only cried a few times this week, and not during “Flashdance”. (Thank God.)

So, getting ready for the next IUI.

I’m much less anxious than last month about it. I know it’s going to hurt a whole lot worse than I had previously imagined. And I know that I probably will ovulate sometime soon. Last month I had no idea if that dose of Clomid would do anything.

So instead of worrying about these things, I’ve been spending my time thinking about the next 2ww knitting project. I do have a sock to design for our store Sock Club, but that’ll just take a day or two. I need something bigger. Something more glam. Something I can actually wear at the end of it.

Ah, what fun. They started last night and will probably continue for the next few days, if last cycle can be used as a predictor. On the positive side, I’ll be able to start OPKing in a few days. 

This beginning-of-cycle-thing is a bit odd. Last month, we had the decidedly large advantage of being on a mini-holiday during the first week. And being the first cycle, there was enough to be thinking and wondering about to make it feel fairly “active”.

But this week feels so strange after spending the previous 3 weeks waiting for SOMETHING…. first the positive OPK, then waiting to use the HPK, then waiting to see a positive, then waiting for AF.

And right now? There’s nothing baby-related for me to be doing except taking my temp first thing in the morning, and taking my Clomid and vitamins last thing at night. It all feels very anti-climactic.

What we should be doing is looking for alternate donors in the case that this cycle doesn’t work out. This is the last vial for this particular donor, so we’ll need to move on to someone else. I have a short list put together, but need to cross-reference against the extended profiles we’d already ruled out. One of the really nice things about our clinic is that they’ll obtain the extended profiles for you at no cost. Bonus!

I’m kind of dreading doing this again. No matter what, the donor won’t be a perfect representative of us. It kind of sucks that there has to be a stranger involved in babymaking but, as someone who is adopted, I know first hand that environment really is everything. So, I feel pretty laid back about donor selection, to be honest.

Is that weird?

Last time, we had ordered four profiles and sat down at the mall food court to look them over. One we ruled out almost instantly because he came across as pretty cocky and arrogant without reason. And his adult photo looked slimey. We had another we liked, but the donor is really young… like 18 or 19… and so his profile wasn’t nearly as complete as an older donor’s. For example, his idea of a perfect day: Sleeping until 3pm, playing video games. Now, that’s probably what I would have liked to do when I was 18, and there’s nothing wrong with it… it’s just kind of funny to contemplate creating a baby with a teenager’s stuff.

So, the one we finally picked just seemed like the one. He sounds like he was born with some good genes and a good family situation; he knew many many details about his extended family and sounded very close to them. He also had near-perfect grades and won academic scholarships but wrote in his essay that he had to work really hard in school. I don’t know what won us over. But it just felt right.

So we’ll have to do this process all over again. I’d like to figure out the next donor so we have plenty of time to place the order for the next cycle. And who knows, maybe we won’t need it?

Well, look at that. Not an hour after my last post and I was right - my period showed up and I’m apparently on a “perfect” 28 day cycle for the first time in my life.

This boggles my mind a little bit. Since the age of 13, I’ve never been regular. I’ve never had a period every month or even close to it. More like one or three a year. To have two right in a row like this… crazy! Is it a good sign? I think so! In any case, I’ve already got the call in to the clinic to report this as Day 1 and wait for instructions. I’d guess that I’ll start on the Clomid 50mg for Monday - Friday again.

The neat thing is that having been through one cycle, I have so much of a better idea what to expect this time around!

I feel like AF is on the way. I’m crampy, my back hurts, and I have that usual PMS depressive thing going on. My temp also dropped quite a bit this morning. This morning’s test, 2 weeks after IUI, was still negative. I know there’s a chance that tomorrow or monday could change things, but let’s just consider that a long shot and move onto Cycle #2, ok? 

While it would have been cool to have a Christmas baby, the timing would have been pretty problematic for our store’s busiest season (and biggest sales of the year). And I wouldn’t have been able to go to the Spin Off retreat in the Poconos in October. And all three of our birthdays would have been less than a few weeks apart. 

Anyhow, on Monday morning I can call the clinic and report in. They’ll phone back with the next steps for this cycle. If my period shows up on its own, I’d imagine things will go much the same as this time. If not? Prometrium again? I’m not sure. I am pretty crampy this morning, so I think that’s a sign of what to expect in the next few days.

It’s hard to explain how I’m feeling right now. I’m not as sad or devastated as I’d feared I’d be. Not even close. Sure, it would have been fun to only do one cycle and end up with a cute little babe, but the odds are only 1 in 5 for any given properly timed IUI cycle. Maybe I did listen to myself and pay attention all along, because I don’t feel all that sad right now. 

(Ask me again after 3 or more cycles… I’m sure it’ll be a different story!)

I guess I’m just looking forward to moving forward and trying again! Valentine’s baby? Sweet! 

The tests have still been negative. My chart is still showing a temperature rise and it’s Day 28 of my cycle. Because I’ve never been regular, I have no idea when to expect to see it drop before AF, but it doesn’t appear to be happening today at least.

My hormones have been going crazy the last few days. Thursday and Friday are our “weekend” away from the store, and we’ve been trying to stick to that and take a bit of a break every week. Yesterday, Sandra and I walked around the mall a bit, running some errands, having lunch. I was so freaking hot, even in a tee and jeans. I had to keep sitting down and leaving some stores because they were too steamy. This is not normally a problem for me. And last night, sleeping was quite awful. I kept waking up absolutely drenched in sweat.

It’s different than the hot flashes I had the week after taking the Clomid. With the Clomid, I could feel a wave of heat approaching, then washing over me. I would get the sweats almost instantly and the next few minutes would be unbearable. And then it would pass. But yesterday, it was like someone turned the heat up for an hour at a time.

Whether it’s a symptom of pregnancy or a lingering side effect from the Clomid, we don’t know. It’s just getting really annoying.

——-
edited to add:
Hey, Melody’s comment reminded me of something. I felt the same night sweats and hot periods when I was taking the Prometrium last year to regulate my cycles. I think this is just something my body does when my progesterone levels are elevated. I don’t know much about it, but what I just read on wikipedia indicates that progesterone rises after ovulation and throughout the implantation phase, and only drops just prior to your period, if you didn’t conceive. So, maybe this is a good sign, and maybe it’s just that my body is wacky.

My temperature is still going up in small increments. I took it an hour early today and it was .1 degree lower than yesterday, then I fell back asleep and took it an hour later than usual and it was .2 degree higher than yesterday, so either way, it’s not dropping.

Today is Day 27 of my cycle, and since I don’t know how long my average cycle is, I don’t exactly know when to expect my period. Could be any day now, could be next week, could be even later I suppose.

And yes, I have been testing first thing in the morning, and it’s been negative so far. I suppose today is the first day I could have reasonably expected anything else. But it’s still early. The average on Fertility Friend for a first positive seems to be 13.5 days or something. I’m not even close to that yet.

So, I just changed my interpretation method on Fertility Friend and now it thinks I O’d on Monday the 7th instead of Sunday the 6th. So, right now I may be 8DPO instead of 9DPO. Just so you know.

I don’t know what it is the past few days, but I just don’t feel like this is THE cycle for us. I had a lot of nausea and other crud over the weekend, but that’s passed now and I feel more or less normal. Of course, it’s still too early, so I’m not disappointed by the negative test I took this morning. But my intuition is saying that I’m not going to see a positive this cycle.

Have you noticed I can’t think of anything more wordy to use as a post title this past week?

It’s Monday morning. It’s 8DPO. I probably won’t see a positive - even if there IS one - until Wednesday morning. But I tested anyway. And yeah, nothing. (It is way too early and I know this!) And I’m vowing not to test again until Wednesday. So there.

I had a little tiny dip this morning on my chart. Maybe this means implantation? Fertility Friend did some study that showed that when implantation dips occur, it’s most often between 7DPO and 8DPO.

I didn’t get any afternoon nausea yesterday, but I did get up not once, not twice, but three times to pee last night. That’s either a good sign or REALLY ANNOYING! I’m also absolutely exhausted all day. On the other hand, work is giving me a ton of stress these past few weeks, so I know that has a massive impact on my energy level.

It’s really weird to know that a week from tomorrow, whatever test result we get will be considered “final” by the clinic, and I’ll be getting instructions for the next cycle, if there is one. Hopefully a positive will show up before then, and we won’t spend the whole next week hoping for a last-minute positive!