And Baby Makes 8

So, I’m just sitting around my parents’ house waiting to see if I’ll get a period next week or not. My temp hasn’t really changed much, although with the travel and the time zone change, I wouldn’t expect it to be all that “accurate”.

We did figure out a way to get that blood work done at the local hospital tomorrow. I have to pay for it, but it seems to be ok. They’ll be testing my progesterone level to determine whether or not I missed my surge. (And let me tell you, if it turns out that I somehow missed it, I’m going to be sooooo mad!)

Other than that, not much going on here. My mom and I have been joking about having triplets or quintuplets, and I just keep saying, “I just don’t want to make the news.”

So, the ultrasound went really well. As usual, Sandra had more cramps and discomfort from it than I did! The result is that this month is not going to happen. I had many folicles, but none of them were more than 0.6cm, so none of them are prepping for ovulation.

Either the 50mg of Clomid wasn’t enough this cycle, or I somehow missed my surge, despite testing regularly every morning and sometimes a time or two extra “just in case”. I’m guessing since I didn’t notice too many horrible side effects of the Clomid, I probably didn’t ovulate.

So, I’m flying to Chicago tomorrow to see the folks. I’ve arranged my next blood test to be done in St. Charles at the hospital. I have to pay out of pocket, but being able to be there for my Dad’s knee surgery (he’s 87) is more than worth it. On Monday I’ll be doing a progesterone test to see if I have missed ovulation or if my body didn’t cooperate at all.

And if I don’t get a period when they think I should (by day 31 or so), I’ll be taking prometrium to induce a cycle again.

So, I’m a little bummed this month didn’t work out, but I’m really relieved that we didn’t spend over $1k to have this month not work. And we still have one more cycle’s worth of our number 1 donor’s… ahem… to use.

So, after an afternoon of phone tag, I finally got a message from the clinic to go get some blood work this afternoon. They’re checking my progesterone, FSH, and estradiol (sp?) levels. Tomorrow morning, I get to have another ultrasound to check on those developing follicles.

So, I’ll probably know tomorrow more about what the plan is. I do know I’m not flying to Chicago tomorrow for that family visit, but here’s hoping I can reschedule for later in the week. Moving into June, it’d be hard to plan a good time to go. Bah.

I’ve been using those OPKs like they’re going out of style. The last few days, I’ve been waking up at 5:30am or 6am to pee or let Cooper out. So, I use an OPK then, just in case I don’t fall back asleep or make it a few more hours. And then I do fall back asleep, so I better use another one at 8am when I normally get up. And they’re still all negative. All very very negative, with just the faintest line visible if you squint hard enough.

I did speak with the nurse at the clinic this afternoon and she’s not that concerned. Since I had a surge last month, I’ll probably have one again. It just might take longer. But, since it is Day 17, I’m supposed to test for one more day, then do some bloodwork, then go in for an ultrasound to see if anything is happening.

All this means that if I don’t get a surge tomorrow morning, I’m not heading to see my parents this week at all.  

Which is fine.

And disappointing at the same time. 

So here’s hoping that tomorrow is the day.  

It’s two days later than my surge last cycle and I’m starting to get nervous. Last month, my OPKs showed a surge on days 15 and 16, and we did the IUI on day 15, which would have been yesterday. As of this morning, my OPKs still show nothing… nada… zilch.

I know variance is normal, and two days isn’t much of a difference at all. But I’m under instructions to phone in tomorrow if I haven’t yet surged.

I know I blogged about this on my main blog, but I thought I’d brag a little about it here too. During the first day of the last 2ww, I decided to cast on and knit a sweater to keep myself sane. So, I picked out this pattern and some summery yarn and knit up the cardigan you see above. It didn’t take the entire 2ww… more like 11 days of it. And I don’t know if it helped me stay a little more in control of my hopes or not. But, it was a fun exercise and one I’m planning on repeating this month.

Speaking of this cycle, I’m going to be spending the majority of the next 2ww at my parents’ house near Chicago. My dad is having his knee replaced on the 13th, so I’m going home the week before and staying for about a week after. He had his hip done last summer and it was really good being able to be there in the hospital and the care center instead of being a thousand miles away.

While we don’t yet know which day in the next week will be THE day for the IUI, I’m guessing it’ll be somewhere around Saturday or Sunday if the last cycle can help us predict at all. Still, I started using the OPKs on Monday just in case.

I don’t know what’s different this month, but I don’t notice the Clomid side-effects nearly as much. The hot flashes are still just as bad, but I don’t feel that irrational RAGE bubbling up inside of me. And for this, I’m incredibly thankful. The only real difference is that last month we had a lot of business stress right around that time, and most of it’s calmed down by now. I’m guessing my zen attitude is probably helping keep my emotions in check. I’ve also only cried a few times this week, and not during “Flashdance”. (Thank God.)

So, getting ready for the next IUI.

I’m much less anxious than last month about it. I know it’s going to hurt a whole lot worse than I had previously imagined. And I know that I probably will ovulate sometime soon. Last month I had no idea if that dose of Clomid would do anything.

So instead of worrying about these things, I’ve been spending my time thinking about the next 2ww knitting project. I do have a sock to design for our store Sock Club, but that’ll just take a day or two. I need something bigger. Something more glam. Something I can actually wear at the end of it.

Ah, what fun. They started last night and will probably continue for the next few days, if last cycle can be used as a predictor. On the positive side, I’ll be able to start OPKing in a few days. 

This beginning-of-cycle-thing is a bit odd. Last month, we had the decidedly large advantage of being on a mini-holiday during the first week. And being the first cycle, there was enough to be thinking and wondering about to make it feel fairly “active”.

But this week feels so strange after spending the previous 3 weeks waiting for SOMETHING…. first the positive OPK, then waiting to use the HPK, then waiting to see a positive, then waiting for AF.

And right now? There’s nothing baby-related for me to be doing except taking my temp first thing in the morning, and taking my Clomid and vitamins last thing at night. It all feels very anti-climactic.

What we should be doing is looking for alternate donors in the case that this cycle doesn’t work out. This is the last vial for this particular donor, so we’ll need to move on to someone else. I have a short list put together, but need to cross-reference against the extended profiles we’d already ruled out. One of the really nice things about our clinic is that they’ll obtain the extended profiles for you at no cost. Bonus!

I’m kind of dreading doing this again. No matter what, the donor won’t be a perfect representative of us. It kind of sucks that there has to be a stranger involved in babymaking but, as someone who is adopted, I know first hand that environment really is everything. So, I feel pretty laid back about donor selection, to be honest.

Is that weird?

Last time, we had ordered four profiles and sat down at the mall food court to look them over. One we ruled out almost instantly because he came across as pretty cocky and arrogant without reason. And his adult photo looked slimey. We had another we liked, but the donor is really young… like 18 or 19… and so his profile wasn’t nearly as complete as an older donor’s. For example, his idea of a perfect day: Sleeping until 3pm, playing video games. Now, that’s probably what I would have liked to do when I was 18, and there’s nothing wrong with it… it’s just kind of funny to contemplate creating a baby with a teenager’s stuff.

So, the one we finally picked just seemed like the one. He sounds like he was born with some good genes and a good family situation; he knew many many details about his extended family and sounded very close to them. He also had near-perfect grades and won academic scholarships but wrote in his essay that he had to work really hard in school. I don’t know what won us over. But it just felt right.

So we’ll have to do this process all over again. I’d like to figure out the next donor so we have plenty of time to place the order for the next cycle. And who knows, maybe we won’t need it?

Well, look at that. Not an hour after my last post and I was right - my period showed up and I’m apparently on a “perfect” 28 day cycle for the first time in my life.

This boggles my mind a little bit. Since the age of 13, I’ve never been regular. I’ve never had a period every month or even close to it. More like one or three a year. To have two right in a row like this… crazy! Is it a good sign? I think so! In any case, I’ve already got the call in to the clinic to report this as Day 1 and wait for instructions. I’d guess that I’ll start on the Clomid 50mg for Monday - Friday again.

The neat thing is that having been through one cycle, I have so much of a better idea what to expect this time around!

I feel like AF is on the way. I’m crampy, my back hurts, and I have that usual PMS depressive thing going on. My temp also dropped quite a bit this morning. This morning’s test, 2 weeks after IUI, was still negative. I know there’s a chance that tomorrow or monday could change things, but let’s just consider that a long shot and move onto Cycle #2, ok? 

While it would have been cool to have a Christmas baby, the timing would have been pretty problematic for our store’s busiest season (and biggest sales of the year). And I wouldn’t have been able to go to the Spin Off retreat in the Poconos in October. And all three of our birthdays would have been less than a few weeks apart. 

Anyhow, on Monday morning I can call the clinic and report in. They’ll phone back with the next steps for this cycle. If my period shows up on its own, I’d imagine things will go much the same as this time. If not? Prometrium again? I’m not sure. I am pretty crampy this morning, so I think that’s a sign of what to expect in the next few days.

It’s hard to explain how I’m feeling right now. I’m not as sad or devastated as I’d feared I’d be. Not even close. Sure, it would have been fun to only do one cycle and end up with a cute little babe, but the odds are only 1 in 5 for any given properly timed IUI cycle. Maybe I did listen to myself and pay attention all along, because I don’t feel all that sad right now. 

(Ask me again after 3 or more cycles… I’m sure it’ll be a different story!)

I guess I’m just looking forward to moving forward and trying again! Valentine’s baby? Sweet!